Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
