I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
