soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Boobs speak an international language.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
