he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
