Don't you send me to vm
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
