she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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