We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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