just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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