I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
