i think my tv is drunk
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
