we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
