apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Let's get the cat blown out
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
