DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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