Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You may now shotgun with the bride
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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