Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
