I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
