I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
