So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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