mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
