SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
