i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need a beard to bite.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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