Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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