I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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