I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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