i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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