Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
