My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
