Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
