you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
