i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we're making bets on your personal life
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
