When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just forgot I was standing up.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
