Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
