I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
