i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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