if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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