C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
