I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
