D3 body, D1 cock
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
