i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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