it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
