I puked a lego.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I will pee on everything he values.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
