Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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