Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
