Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Holy sore nipples Batman
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
