I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
