since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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