So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
