so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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