He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
