So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
