I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
