Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
